Hubby again cannot accompany me and Haylee to check up again but this time I am going to use ‘yellow card’ to force him. (yellow card is Haylee :p) Guess what I manage to make him take off haha

We went to see Dr Azura, NICU and get the paper for MCUG test. Then we went to Daycare for paediatric. From that point onwards, I started blaming myself again for Haylee’s pain that she’s going through.

At the beginning she was still very friendly and smiling with the nurse and doctor. But the doctor ask me to leave them alone while they start the procedure which I cannot imagine the physical situation that it is going to be even I’ve read and being informed of the procedure but still she is still a small little baby.

Right after 5 minutes I was outside with hubby, I hear her crying out very very loud until my heart is breaking into pieces and I still waited outside hearing her crying louder and lourder until the sky is falling down! After 5 minutes, I cannot bear with it anymore and I rush in the room and wathing her sobbing sadly without tears anymore and my tears started to gush out for her pain.

It was so sad to see a small tiny tube (catheter) was inserted into her urethra and passed into the bladder into my princess and she was still sobbing even the procedure was completed, then i give her pacifier to sooth her down. But less then a minute, she cry out loud again coz the nurse injected antibiotic on her thigh. It really really tear my heart away watching her crying coz she never cry this loud before even at newborn.

After that we took her xray room, to scan her bladder and kidney. There the doctor ask me leave the room but this time I refused even there’s radiology and luckily she didn’t cry for the entire procedure.

The doctor said there no sign of urine flowing back flow in the kidney and it could be other cause and I have to wait for the result and back to HUKM to see the doctor on 10 December 2008.

Then we went to my mum’s house. Everyone is trying to make her smile but she didn’t want to maybe becoz she was too shock and too tired. Less than 15 minutes, she started to cry again, maybe she’s in pain when passing urine and I manage to comfort her.

I couldn’t bear it anymore!

At night, before her last feed, I change her diaper and checker her private part and found out that her vagina was tear. No wonder she cried this morning after the procedure.

Initially I was very angry to myself and to the doctor who did this to her but after I calm down; I was thinking that she has to do this test for the last time and hopefully she won’t be going thru this again anymore!